Techniques in Parenting Children - An Overview

Executive Summary about parenting children by Milos Pesic

parent and children

Some parents complain of having difficult or problem children, without realizing that children are only difficult to handle if parents have run out of techniques on how to make a child cooperate, listen, and behave according to your expectations. There are so many approaches to parenting children depending on what areas you’re having problems with. The cornerstone in parenting children is to lay down the rules as a guide for what’s right and what’s not to do. However, don’t expect your child to follow the rules religiously. Parenting children with love and using logical consequences are advantageous for both parent and child. This means allowing a child to experience the consequences for his wrong behavior, and later on aptly modifying such consequences to a given situation and a child’s capabilities to comprehend. Parenting children using this technique applies to setting limits, as well. Punishing a child immediately without establishing limits will leave a child confused, or worse lose self-image. Of course, this should be age-specific since parents are more likely to expect broken rules, repeatedly with toddlers than with school-aged children. Parenting children isn’t similar to how-to-fix-a-broken-machine kind of thing, but is a complex matter that involves complex machines - children. There is no one-size-fits-all to parenting children.

Parenting Children Through Unexpected Challenges

Executive Summary about parenting children by Susan L. Woodard

Parenting through divorce may sometimes bring unexpected challenges. The following checklist can help parents recognize areas to build on in order to foster a healthy long-term adjustment in children.

1. Am I building good relationships with my children?

2. Am I supporting my child’s relationship with my ex-spouse?

3. Have we stopped our conflict when our child is within earshot?

4. Bad-mouthing my children’s other parent?

5. Putting my children in the middle?

6. Pumping them for information about their other parent?

7. Subtly pressuring them to side with me?

8. Do my children and I communicate openly?

9. Do I avoid burdening them with adult responsibilities, roles, and worries?

10. Am I seeking out sources of social support for my children?

Talk to other parents or a trusted friend or relative about the problem. Some of them might be dealing with or have dealt with similar things with their children.

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Positive Parenting Plans

Executive Sumary about Parent Children by Dore Frances

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A Parent Coordinator is an impartial third party available to assist parents in resolving issues relating to parenting and other family issues prior to their child moving on to their next program or school after wilderness, or prior to graduation or returning home from their residential program.

• Clarifying priorities prior to returning home or moving on to their next program or school
• Developing a parenting plan that meets the needs of the child and the parents
• Developing methods of collaboration in parenting
• Identifying disputed issues

This situation is different than when we are Parenting Coordinator’s assigned by the court. At times parents decide to divorce just prior to, or while their child is attending their residential treatment program or school. In some cases, it makes more sense for children to hear about the decision to separate from both parents who have additional support. If this is the case, the Parent Coordinator makes sure that they works with your child’s therapist.

They repeatedly tell your child that both parents will always love them and that you will always be a family. The Parenting Plan addresses any concerns the child may have like the need to maintain a relationship with both parents. The Parent Coordinator can help explain that a divorce does not end your child’s relationship with either parent. The marriage may end, however, the parent-child relationship will continue

Generally, for a child in a youth program or boarding school, short, clear explanations are best. Remember children will ask the same questions repeatedly. It is very important that both parents reinforce that the separation/divorce is taking place because of differences between the parents.

Working with your child’s therapist in their program helps you conduct such conversations without damaging or disparaging remarks about the other parent. Children adjust more easily when parents show a healthy sense of respect and caring for the other parent despite difficult circumstances. Co-parenting responsibilities apply to all parents whether they are married or divorced.

The extent that parents can effectively co-parent their children greatly determines how children will adjust after returning home from their emotional growth program or school. Parents who have a child returning home after graduation or completion of their program will now have to start dealing with more day-to-day issues concerning their child’s welfare.

Also, parents who acknowledge and effectively deal with their own difficult feelings usually have an easier time. On the other hand, recurrent arguments between parents make life difficult for children and parents alike. When parents fight for their own agenda and neglect creating a peaceful environment, their children may develop bitter feelings and have difficulties later in life with their own intimate relationships. Being in a family style program or outdoor school brings about many changes in the lives of both parents and children.

One change for children may be in their immediate support network. Some parents move to a new community before their child returns home. When possible, keep friends, family, school, and other community support systems stable. When changes are necessary, make sure you give your children ample notice about them and discuss them with your child’s therapist while still in their program. The more comfortable parents are with such changes the more comfortable their children will be. Make room for whatever your children are experiencing.

Sample Checklist for a stable home environment after your child returns home from their program:

• Develop a firm parenting schedule that provides frequent and regular contact with the nonresident parent.
• Do not burden children with adult responsibilities.
• End parental conflict, at least within the child’s earshot.
• Support children’s relationships with their other parent and that parent’s extended family.
• Seek out other sources of social support for your children.

A well-thought-out and executed parenting plan is an important tool for ensuring the health and well being of your children. A good parenting plan will outline how you will perform co-parenting responsibilities.

The parenting plan is a living document that must evolve with the needs of your growing children. Children are our most precious resource.

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