5 Myths About Foster Parenting
Executive Sumary about Foster Parent By Marisue Alsobrook
foster parent
Myth #1
“Foster Parents are in ‘IT’ for the money.”
That amount of money will not replace your broken furnishings, lost/stolen items, lost sleep, nor will it cover gasoline to and from doctor, counselor, or family visits, and certainly won’t cover the increase in food and utility bills. And I won’t even mention the times you’re embarrassed by these kids and how you can’t explain their behavior to your neighbors, friends, and family because of having to keep their case information confidential.
Foster parents may be nuts, but they certainly aren’t in “IT” for the money. Now, don’t misunderstand me, occasionally, what passes through your front door is a completely sweet and engaging child. ( KIDDING )
Myth #2
“Foster Parents should treat foster kids like they would their own.”
It’s perfectly healthy and even necessary, to let your own children know they are the “eternal” family, all other children are “passing through.”
You soon realize that you need to dig out a few more parenting tools from the toolbox for the foster kids. And never forget, these kids are in care with one primary goal, FAMILY RE-UNIFICATION. Foster kids don’t need you to be their permanent parent. I hope you understand, but even if you don’t, I won’t apologize for spending time with my own children.” I repeated this as often as necessary to foster kids, who were always “measuring.” Our kids were forever. As a foster parent, it only takes a few times to see the pain of frequently sacrificing time with you, on the faces of your children, to teach you a valuable lesson of making time for your own “nucleus” family…your kids. I didn’t go into foster parenting to cause my own children pain. If we’re falling apart, how can we help others?
When we started having private family time, our children relaxed and seldom resented the sometimes trumatic and always dramatic intrusion of foster kids. Hold your own kids a little more tightly, please.
Myth #3
To imply that foster parents can let kids go because they don’t get attached is simply not the case. But, we learned that these little kiddos are “people.” One little 3 year old kept us hoppin’. We threw a pizza party when she went home to grandma.
Loss is a foster parent’s daily experience, in more ways than one.
Myth #4
“The term ‘Foster Child’ means the same as ‘Adopted Child.’
We have two adopted sons who came to us first as babies in the foster care system, but we legally adopted them when they became legally free. Many times, people would refer to our foster children as adopted, using the two terms as one. Foster kids are still in state care, adopted children are yours. Foster kids don’t like the term “foster child,” and adopted children really hate to be called “foster child.”
Use labels sparingly.
Myth #5
“Foster Parents are kept hidden from the birth parents.”
Soon after placement in the foster home, the foster child has visits with family members who are considered to be safe. Often in a matter of days or weeks, a visit with a safe parent or extended family member is set up to lessen the child’s sense of abandonment. Many times, phone calls are allowed from child to family member, either from the social worker’s office or later from the foster home under certain conditions.
Throughout the time of placement, the foster parent will have a role in the visit with the birth parent, often modeling healthy parenting skills, or exchanging information or other general conversation with the birth parent or family members. While their actual address may not be revealed in the beginning, it is not uncommon for family members, with approval from the state, to actually pick up the child from the foster home or another neutral place for visits.
Safety is always the first consideration, but where possible, all parents are brought together for brief and later, extended times.
Foster Parents Do Make a Difference in the Lives of Foster Children
Executive Sumary about Foster Parent By Saundra L. Washington
For children forced into the child welfare system, the loss was necessary for their own well being and safety. These children had to be temporarily or sometimes permanently removed from their biological environment due to neglect, abandonment or abuse.
Foster parents are wonderful people empowered with the courage and fortitude to open up their hearts and homes to foster children. I both admire and salute all foster parents because foster parenting is a demanding commitment.
Not only are they required to acknowledge the bereft foster child’s difficult emotions when first placed in their home, integrate the child into their family, teach the child the family’s rules and rituals, routines and expectations, engender feelings of safety and security, but they are also required to work cooperatively in efforts to reunify the child with his/her birth family and so much more.
New life emerges in hearts of hurting children longing for unconditional love, tenderness, compassion, patience, understanding and hope. When foster parents reach out and lovingly touch a child, they infuse something priceless of themselves into the very soul and essence of another.
When they touch a child in empathetic, kind, gentle, healing ways, they may be incognizant of the lasting impressions they are imprinting upon the child’s mind screen with each loving word, gentle embrace, and warm encouragement.
The power of love and compassion is awesome. It is the silent, holy, and powerful contagion of a foster parent’s influence.
Literally thousands of lives have been positively affected by foster parents who have volunteered their homes, their lives, and selves to these children. I know what a loving foster home environment is. Foster Parents do make a difference.
The need for loving foster homes is GREAT! There are children waiting for families in your community.
Tags : become foster parent, foster parent, foster parenting, foster parents
